One Year....

One year ago today we lost our sweet papa  Not a day goes by that I don't think about him.  While I miss him terribly, I know without a doubt he is a better place.  He was so sick and feeble before his passing it became almost unbearable to watch.  Instead of being sad, I am going to rejoice, and be so thankful for all the time I had with him. After he passed away I made a vow to honor him by becoming a better Christian.  I will be honest, when I made this vow I wasn't completely confident I would be able to honor it.  God had other plans for me, and our family.  We started going to church the weekend after his funeral, and we haven't stopped since.  I have strengthened my faith more than I ever knew I could, and it goes way beyond attending church on Sunday.  I have changed my life completely.  I feel like I jumped in, and have given it 110% from day one.  I am involved in a women's group, and Luke and I joined a couples group.  We are actively involved in church. and try to give back as much as possible.  I have tried to rid my life of negativity, and surround myself with people who lift me up, and make me want to be a better person.  I have let go of anger, and strive to have a more positive outlook on every situation I am in.  I was baptized.  I can honestly say my life is ten times better than it was a year ago today.  My marriage is better.  I am a better mom.  The funny thing is, we have faced more struggles this past year.  That just goes to show how you face things differently when you have faith, and you know God will get you through anything.  I can assure you it has not been easy.  I feel like I am "tested" more than ever.  I am not perfect, and I still make so many mistakes.  It is something I have to be conscience of and work at every single day.   I have my papa to thank for all of this.  In a way I almost feel like I should be thankful for his passing.  That doesn't mean that I don't get sad, or wish I could talk to him one last time.  Sometimes I wish that I could just FEEL him.  He loved his family more than anything, and I know he would gladly trade his life to see his family involved in church and happy.  That is all he ever wanted for us.  It feels so good to be able to reflect on this past year, and to know without a doubt that I honored that vow I made to his memory.  More importantly I know he IS proud.  I feel like I have only scratched the surface on things God has planned for my life.  This next year I am making a vow to do even more to strengthen my faith.  I want to give more, go on a mission trip, and whatever else God calls me to do.

Papa,
I miss you more than you will ever know.  Thank you for having a hand in changing my life.  I hope I can continue to make you proud.  I love you.

Your can read what I wrote about him a year ago here.